I hate change. I hate the uncertainty of what comes next. I hate the not knowing what to do. I hate the lack of control when life changes. I'm a virgo so that explains a lot. Death is the ultimate change in our lives. Three months after we moved into the house that we currently reside in, our neighbor's wife suddenly passed away. She left behind two boys and a daughter. Her daughter was the youngest and about 13 at the time. Years later I read her year book and I remember she had written, I hate death. At the time I understood and attributed the comment to a young girl who lost her mother. Fast forward many years and now it hits me every once in awhile. I hate death too. I was 48 when my mother passed and I don't think the extra years have made me any more adept at dealing with it. Yes I get up everyday and get on with my life. I even have good days. Yet two years later there are still many things that turn me into a big bundle of tears. Sometimes its a song, or a story, sometimes just a simple picture. Or even a couple of cats that I wouldn't have if my mom was still here. Thankfully though, I am grateful for them as they have given me great comfort and peace just by being around.
My mother went quickly, three months from the time of her diagnosis till she died. She wasn't supposed to die so young. She was supposed to go well into her 80's when I would have been grown up enough. Realistically, she was supposed to be around forever as I hate change. It is something I will have to take up with her when I see her again.
As I mentioned before, I am a Virgo and we tend to be planners. I always knew I would move on to management but taking the actual step of putting in for the job has always alluded me, again, it goes back to change I figured since my life was in a huge state of motion, now while things haven't had time to settle out, now would be the time to make the jump so I did. I never have a day that I regret doing it. I have tough days when I don't feel like studying but I don't regret doing what I did. I can only hope that my mom is proud of me as I am of all my sons and their wives.